A Raw and Honest Recap
Five years ago and so relevant to today
The following post was written on Facebook five years ago today as a follow up to my experience as a repped artist at the SOFA Expo Chicago. In reading my assessment of the factors outside of my control, having to do with the operations of the show itself, it strikes me even more how outside of my control these factors were.
Last year the show was cancelled altogether under the new management I mentioned in my post below. This year the website looks promising, but each link leads back to the homepage where the “Dates to be announced” sits at the top of the screen. I see this as a macro example of the hit that artists and the arts have taken over the past 5 years in general, and especially in the time since the pandemic began.
Today I am feeling all the feels that I described in this five year old post. It is interesting to read it and identify so closely with that season of time with where I’m at today. It is also interesting to read with that macro lens seeing the things that were outside of my control with even more perspective.
It is a good reminder that in the place of making honest assessments over our lives, regardless of the role art plays for any one of us, that there are things we cannot yet see when we are in the midst of it. That the places we land when we are simply tired, worn down by the trying, are not indictments of our worth.
“I’m still processing my experience at SOFA Expo Chicago last weekend. On the one hand, it was an experience of a lifetime to be there after a decade of attending the show as a spectator/dreamer. On the other hand, I did not have any sales, nor did the majority of the artists in the area around me. Many of them with years of experience at this particular show with outstanding sales in the years past.
There were a number of contributing factors; the show was under new management, the floor plan was not as open, traffic did not flow well on the end of the hall I was on. Our gallery was given individual small booth stalls rather then the single large gallery space they’ve had in the past- which proved most difficult for people to comfortably view the work, and the buzz in the air that tension over the impending election was causing uncertainty in the buying crowd- overall sales across the entire show were down.
All of the above, and more, were factors outside of my control. It’s impossible to plan for all the variables and all had nothing to do with the art. And yet. And yet....
I’ve never participated in a show before where I didn’t at least make my investment back. And usually that investment would afford me a profit plus a career benefit of future opportunities making the risk highly worthwhile.
Many of you have followed my journey preparing for this show, but you may not have realized just how much an artist has to invest of their own resources. Yes, the show is oriented to galleries and being repped by one is the only way to get in, but many of these galleries are unable to foot the 80-100k bill alone, so the artist contributes financially to the space their art will cover. Like most of what we do as career artists, and not unlike any other small business owner or entrepreneur, we invest a great deal up front and work very hard to generate enough income from that investment to keep going.
We not only have to sell our work, but we sell our image, we sell our stories, we sell our love and passion. We polish and refine and practice our statement, and we happily share what we do with you, the interested viewer and potential collector.
Making the art is only a small fraction of what it takes to be an artist.
People are often surprised to hear that our studio time is not where we expend most of our efforts. And somehow never quite grasp the risk involved in doing this job. It all seems so glamorous from the outside.
Much of that risk really is outside of my control. And yet...
In my logical brain, the side that was meant to analyze, and decipher, and process information, I can take a step back and still feel good about what I created and the fact that I was given such a tremendous opportunity to begin with. It knows the variables it can change, and those it had nothing to do with. In my logical brain, it is a business, it’s not personal. But that logical brain is at war with the vulnerable creative brain- The one that poured its whole self into these canvases and feels raw and achy, as if hanging its very soul on the wall for you to judge.
As much as we artists do create because we just need to create. We also need to eat and pay our bills and keep the lights on like everyone else. It can be damned exhausting to do this work. The energy and time and money it takes
.This experience was a little like being drafted into the NFL and then spending the first season sitting on the bench. Okay, I hate sports and have no idea if that’s an appropriate analogy, but it’s what keeps coming to mind. Will there be a next season for me?
Honestly I’m still in recovery mode and right now I feel more than a little discouraged. For the first time in many years, I’ve entertained the idea of going back to a traditional job. And I’m not at all sure my health would sustain it. Not the most encouraging post I’ve shared in a while, but it’s the reality in my life right now.
That picture of the cape wearing baby in the mix? That’s my granddaughter whom I was babysitting during the weekend of the show. I committed to watching her for her momma and daddy before I knew there would be a scheduling conflict. So I even sacrificed my time with her to be at SOFA, spending overnights as Grammy in charge and tag teaming by day with her Yia-yia and Aunties.
As an artist I am always weighing the cost of any particular endeavor compared to the potential benefit. There is always a risk, a gamble involved. Multiple streams of revenue would be my answer to how I manage if you were to ask. But multiple streams of energy and time don’t always match. And multiple streams can have dry spells all at the same time as well.
I’m grateful for all that I’ve experienced and achieved. Grateful for all the love and encouragement I’ve received. And grateful, even, to have a bit of a legacy to leave for my grands, even if it’s just a bit.
But today I have to admit, I am tired.”
(post originally written on Facebook dated November 10, 2018)
The way ahead, my next right step, is beginning to become clear. The way to get there will require me to continue to remember the things that matter. The granddaughter in that picture above had her momma text me yesterday to show off her “artist of the month” award from school. On the scale of measuring life by moments of joy, that one was off the charts good. I now have three littles that call me Grammy. Life is sweet when I get to spend time with them.
To remember the things that fulfill and uplift me. The things that I feel passionate about doing and imparting to others, my own true north purpose in life. I recently saw a clip on Martha Beck’s instagram account of her sharing that we don’t wake up one day simply knowing our purpose. It’s more like incremental moments of following things that catch our attention. She says it starts with a whisper, or what I like to call being curious.
But it doesn’t always start with a whisper of curiosity. Sometimes it starts with a roar of NOT THIS. And then somewhere along our trail, following the whisper of curiosity we encounter it again NOT THIS. And sometimes as we follow those moments of curiosity we get far far away from that whisper, for reasons outside of our control, and to get back on track we go through entire seasons of NOT THIS and NOT THIS and NOT THIS.
This is the stuff of the joyous and messy middle of life. It is an adventure and honestly, in spite of feeling all the feels and being tired and somewhat insecure over things with which I cannot control, I remembered myself. I simply prayed in the form of one sentence in my journal “let me remember my strength and my purpose”.
If you are in a season of NOT THIS and NOT THIS, please know from the perspective of this fellow seasoned Sojourner, this is not a bad place to be. Lean in and listen to that voice. There is something else it wants you to see.
With love and gratitude,
Crystal Marie
Join artist Crystal Marie, author of The Art of Expressive Collage, Techniques for creating with paper & glue for COLLAGE SCHOOL, a new series of collage focused workshops designed to help you master the art of collage.
Step by Step Guidance
Session 1: Fodder Fever the classroom opens with prerecorded video lessons covering a variety of techniques to create collage fodder from salvaged and new materials:
creating image transfers on a gelli plate
the contemporary method of Japanese art of kneading paper known as Momigami
creating dyes and stains from acrylic paint.
painted surface design on salvaged materials
The live lesson will cover surface design and texture: Developing visual and tactile/touchable fodder to enhance the depth and overall appeal of your collage work.
Each of the live* lessons are 3 hours long
Section 2: Creating in a Series the classroom opens with a mix of prerecorded video lessons covering a variety of relevant topics including:
composition and layout
increasing scale
selecting, organizing, and preparing collage fodder
The live lesson will cover start to finish steps to creating a series of 6 or more collage works beginning with prep and substrates, layout and design, trusting your decisions, creating a cohesive body of work, surface design and finishing techniques.
Each of the live* lessons are 3 hours long and will cover
Section 3: more to come . . .
*All live lessons hosted on Zoom will be recorded, edited, and added to the course content afterwards for continued review.