Begin Again

Outgrowing the masks

Mar 16, 2025

A funny thing happened on my way
to being awake. I outgrew all my masks.
Not a one fit. Not the one I called my
past. Not the one I called my dream.
Not the one I wore when sad. Or the
one I wore when trying to be happy.
I saved them all like favorite shirts
I thought would fit when I became
myself again. But that was a mask, too.
Then, just the other day, I was more
present than lost, and had to put down
the mask I called my story.
And today, a gust of light filled my face.
I felt it on my skin and in my soul.
Now, anything is possible.
~Mark Nepo, Not a One

Hello dear friends and curious readers,

As spring draws near, my thoughts are beginning to stir toward finding my way back to a home of my own—a longing that has been on hold for nearly a year now—to find an apartment in Chicago, to be closer to my grandkids, my family, and the city’s art scene.

After spending time here in Kansas City as a guest artist-in-residence at Studio Joy, getting to know the thriving KC arts community, and, more importantly, being a member of the Jolley household, I am forever changed. I have lived in—and been welcomed into—a home that exemplifies the idea of compassionate, community-centered living, and radical friendship in a way I’ve dreamed about but never encountered so genuinely.

So much has healed within me during my time here, both physically and emotionally. I hadn’t even recognized how deeply accustomed I was to operating in a state of burnout until I landed within these walls and found the peace that comes with suddenly feeling safe to unmask and just exist as myself, in whatever state I happen to be. The masks I was accustomed to wearing, like those in the poem above, no longer fit. Not even the one that I thought was my story.

When healing comes, so does the awakening.

As anyone who lives with chronic illness and disability knows, healing isn’t the same as being healed. I will always live with physical limitations and the uncertainty that comes with a progressive health condition. I’ll always need to be mindful of the environment I live in, the food I eat, and the activities I partake in. But having been in this space, I feel better equipped to recognize the warning signs I so easily disregarded in the past. (Pausing to knock on wood.)

It’s difficult to heed those warning signs when you feel desperate for a way to survive. I’m not so foolish as to think it will all be smooth sailing from here. The market has changed dramatically in the past five years— even more so in the past few months. And yet, I suddenly feel able to see a little further down the road than I have in quite some time.

To get there, I’ll need to rebuild my moving fund—and hopefully, a bit of savings. I have no idea if the housing market will be any less challenging for finding an affordable place to live and work than it was last year when I left. Still, I’m feeling that pull—the longing that is more than just the regular ache of separation from my people and my things. It’s the deeper knowing in me that it’s time to begin again.

**Begin Again** | 12” x 30” x 2.5” Collage Mixed Media | Crystal Marie

This week, I’m heading back to spend some much needed time with my family, and tend to some personal life and professional business while I’m there. When I return, I’ll be launching a studio inventory reduction/ Moving Sale Pop-Up Shop to help me rebuild the resources needed to begin again.

The art pictured here will be listed, along with more than a dozen other original works. You can call dibs on this one if interested—just hit reply to this email, or leave your email address in the comment section below to let me know by Tuesday pm and I’ll send you the details. I’ll even throw in the shipping to sweeten the pot.

Meanwhile, read on for all the current workshop offerings. If you’re considering registering for one of the on-location options, please do so soon if possible. It helps the host venue decide how much space to allot each teaching artist. And anyone who has taken one of my classes in the past knows—I bring a lot of stuff for you to explore! Can’t wait to meet so many of you in person again!

With gratitude,
Crystal Marie