Easy/Hard or Hard/Easy

This intersection looks familiar

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Spending time in contemplation mode is a necessary part of the process for a writer.

Rumination. Wool gathering. Navel gazing.

There is a push and pull between needing time for the wheels of creativity to be sufficiently primed and using that time to zone out, disassociate, run away from the discomfort of stepping into something new.

“See how busy I am? There simply isn’t enough time!”

I would sit down to write. I would take steps to achieve this goal, I tell myself. But I’m simply too busy. Life just won’t give me a break. It isn’t my fault, there are just too many things to do!

Resistance. It is the place where the voice of my art critic resides. Craftily disguising itself as being concerned for my well-being, the voice of the critic can sound like a benevolent family member, only having my own best interest in mind.

“Take your time, rest, don’t overdo it” it says. “Don’t add one more thing to the list. You have enough stress. Maybe this isn’t the best time.” When what it really means is “I don’t trust you, I don’t believe in you, I don’t want you to get hurt when you fail.”

In the midst of this push and pull, my old mantra to take the risk and let life be the judge provokes me. All signs have been affirming. Ideas have been bubbling to the surface for this latest evolution in my being, and I excitedly scribble notes and jot down possibilities.

“The more important a call or action to our soul’s evolution, the more Resistance we will feel toward pursuing it.” ~Steven Pressfield, The War of Art

I’m living this quote at the moment—transitioning to something new, something still a little unformed, elusive. Something so very important to the evolution of my soul, my life’s purpose, my hearts desire will stir up the art critic like nobodies business. The inner resistance is strong. Bringing with it, all sorts of very good reasons to play it safe.

I am at the old familiar intersection of Hard/Easy vs. Easy/Hard.

How many times have I preached this to my kids? That the easy thing to do is very often not the same as the right thing to do, not the thing that will bring that long lasting change we desire? It’s great advice when applied to more obvious decisions. Getting a degree is hard. Dropping out is easy. Later, degree in hand, career on track, easy comes by way of being able to pay the bills, purchase the house, take the vacation. Hard work paid off.

If only all decisions came with such an obvious outcome. The choice between two hard things, or two exciting things, the unknown outcome of either thing, the fog that covers the road ahead becomes a haze of confusion.

Uncertainty is uncomfortable.

Writing brings it all to the surface. Lays it out bare. Makes me look at whatever I’ve been avoiding. Writing is a troublemaker. It doesn’t leave well enough alone. It raises more questions than it has answers.

Nothing reveals resistance as much as my commitment to writing. I feel it in my body, see it in my bank account, hear it in the list of tasks yet undone. Is this resistance revealing something important? Are these excuses my method of playing it safe? Maybe this is actually discernment I’m sensing?

Easy to avoid waiting in the expanse needed for the answers. Harder to spend time sitting in one place while they come.

Easy/Hard or Hard/Easy?

The answer is only a matter of resistance.