In the same spirit as yesterday’s post, I’m in looking back to gain traction on moving forward mode. I’ve spent more time than I’d planned updating some of the settings and details on the blog this morning and heading back upstairs in a few minutes.
Yesterday I managed to clean and organize half the studio a little more thoroughly than I’d planned (yay ADHD hyperfocus!) but not quite what I’d intended to actually spend that much time doing (boo ADHD hyperfocus!) Now I can’t help the need to finish what I started and tend to the other half before moving on to the set up for filming a new class mode.
Today I emailed the landlord to let him know I’ll be signing the lease renewal for the coming year. Onward!
On this day in my art journey history:
Seven years ago I announced a new short term gig as a contributor to the Cloth, Paper, Scissors blog. Can’t recall how many articles I wrote between the magazine and the blog, but the publication is sorely missed by many in the mixed media arts communities.
Eight years ago I met with 10 other Chicago area artists for a planning meeting of our exhibit called Uncharted at the Motor Row Gallery in Chicago. I know I say this a lot, but how has it been eight years?????
Four years ago I wrote the following post on Facebook. Rereading my past words today was a good reminder. I’m a bit on the flip side of the issues I wrote about at that time, but it is the same chronic health coin. I have a clearer understanding of the root issue now and it will always be a part of my life. But the biggest thing I needed to remind myself of today is that being authentic and vulnerable is the opposite of weakness.
Originally posted to Facebook, 2019: “I bought this shirt because it spoke to me about the trials I've endured in my life and the circumstances I'm currently going through. I took this picture with the thought of posting it to assure you all that my outward circumstances won't defeat me. That on the outside I may be weak, but on the inside I am strong. I am a fighter. I wanted to tell you that so you wouldn't be concerned about me. Because I've been wired to believe I'm responsible for how everyone else is feeling, and my innate thinking pattern goes along the lines of believing it is unseemly to call attention to my own needs. That having a need that I can't manage behind the scenes on my own makes me weak, and reads as playing the victim.
Can any of you relate?
See, I told you all last month that I've rapidly lost a great deal of weight and that I'm working with my doctor to determine the cause. And then this past week, I updated my profile picture to one taken on Easter Sunday with my beautiful granddaughter, who is among the biggest joys of my life, because it made me happy. And then I heard from many of you concerned at the dramatic change in my appearance, and even concerned that I had allowed myself to be seen like this.So I thought I needed to reassure you all that everything is going to be okay.
Don't be alarmed. Don't worry about me. Look, I'm tough!
But the truth is, that even now, even yet today, I am learning that what makes us tough isn't hiding ourselves from other people. It isn't the ability to go it alone and not be a burden on anyone else ever. What actually makes us tough is allowing ourselves to be seen in the hard places. In the middle of the storms of life. What makes us strong isn't our determination to power through our circumstances so that no one else is inconvenienced or upset. What actually makes us tough is the ability to say I need you. In our most vulnerable, exposed and raw places. To allow ourselves to stay connected to each other, rather than to close up and wall off to protect ourselves from exposure and the judgement or discomfort of others.
A health update is coming, but today I am sharing this picture and practicing saying I need you, and I am grateful that you are there.”
Here’s the link to the original post if you’d like to check out the overwhelmingly supportive and tear inducing comments from my community this post received.