Grief and Life

With so much love to you

I tried to make a quick ad out of this image this morning, with some quip about how dads love art classes too. Because 1) they do and 2) ahem, trying to run a business here.

But when I tried to write, the words got stuck and I started to cry.

And I couldn't stop crying. And somehow it's the end of the day and I. am. still. crying.

I texted a friend that I was inexplicably grieving, heavy and deep. Inexplicably because I thought I was over it.

But grief doesn't care.

Grief doesn't care that you worked through all that shit years ago.

Grief doesn't care that you've made your peace.

Or whether you've said your piece.

Grief doesn't have ears, it won't listen to reason.

Grief doesn't care that you have a job to do. It doesn't check itself politely at the patio door waiting for a more convenient time.

Grief doesn't care if the sun is shining and the birds are singing and there are children playing nearby.

Grief doesn't care that you don't feel qualified to carry it when somebody else shares their story and their loss was of the real true love kind.

Grief will leak and seep into your bones in the middle of the night. Weaving itself into the fabric of every circumstance and every story and every hairline fracture between you and your god and your child and your very own life and it will carry you on its tide until you have inhaled so much of it you think there is no way you're not going to drown.

But then just as suddenly it spits you back upon the shores leaving you breathless and spent. Shivering and alone.

And yet, you know deep down that you are not.

Grief did not come in with evil intent to track mud all over the floor of your heart. Grief came to tell you that you are very much alive. You are very much worthy of that life.

And whether you were too small to understand or whether it happened just last night, or in the split second of your very last breath, Grief came to tell you that you deserved to be loved. That you still do.

And you are.

Loved.

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To each of you on this day and everyday. Because it isn’t possible to be human and not have encountered Grief for something, somebody, somewhere. I hope you know that you are worthy and you are loved.