Before we go on, there's something you should know...I’ve always shared openly about my life in these forums, so it never occurred to me that there might be repercussions for sharing this news.
Being as you know the mother of two autistic 30+ year old sons , I want to share something about the difference in the acceptance of being labeled as “Autistic “, that is happening now, compared with what existed 30 years ago, and even before that, both within the medical community, and with many of the rest of the population.
My sons were diagnosed with autism at the age of 2 or 3 , when we began to notice a regression, and a seemingly lack of developmental milestones, we had come to expect. It was an intuitive feeling for me, some kind of secret foreboding that they were autistic . And notice the word “ foreboding “. This was to me a terrifying diagnosis. Given with sympathy for my damaged children , but with negative information that they would never be normal, there was no “cure”., for this terrible thing from which they suffered.
This colored my perception in a terrible way for a long time. We did everything we were advised to do , sought out every treatment and intervention and appropriate education we could find , and they improved but not “enough”. I was heartbroken, and watched wistfully as my friends and families children developed normally. And I felt this way for a very long time. Friends and family deserted us completely. I was very depressed and sad about this still a little for all the things in life they have, and will continue to miss. I love them with all my heart, but I can’t understand all they’re saying , and with my younger son nothing but gibberish, he really doesn’t speak at all.
Things are better today, with autistic people viewed as not so much abnormal as different . I try my best to view them that way , but their reality is very much different even when viewed in a different way. But I accept and enjoy them as never before.
I am so sorry that ignorant people have deserted you. But the world is changing, and your situation will change. Your possibilities are limitless.
Brigid thanks so much for sharing your perspective and experience. Raising children without a support network is hard enough, even more so when your sons had higher needs for that support. The world is indeed changing, but so many people still have no clue about all of the traits of autism, and boil it down to either being savants or developmentally disabled. These things can be traits, among many traits. And as I'm sure you know, our traits are ever changing depending on what's happening on any given day. Much love to you for the heart you have for your children. ❤️
I am so sad that we didn't pick up on this when you were a little girl and I just thought you were extra shy.
But I am so happy that you now realize what caused you so much pain.
I have been sharing the pain and fear I had as a child and into my adulthood in my daily Bible journaling group and it has been great therapy for me. I suspect without going through the testing that I too am on the autistic spectrum also. I am so proud to be your mom. I love you! ❤
I’m sad to think of you growing up without a mom and not knowing, but they just weren’t diagnosing little girls back then. I’m proud of you too mom 🙏♥️🙏
As an observer of people I always find it interesting to watch what happens if you get too close to someone’s truth. They often become argumentative and attack you verbally, or the opposite happens and they shut down and disappear from your life. I think both reactions come from a place of their fear of being found out. This world that they have carefully built up must be protected at all costs. Humans are certainly complex beings! And please remember, Crystal, they are running away for their own reasons and you might never know what your words may have unlocked that might one day help them face their own fears.
Annie there is so much truth to what you say. I’m a fellow observer of people and agree wholeheartedly. I really appreciate your perspective. Thank you!
I have read Wintering - and her other book, The Electricity of Every Living Thing. Both excellent reads. She is writing her third book now and I'm really looking forward to reading more of her work.
I so appreciate your openness and honesty; it’s a breath of fresh air. I remember when one of my kids was very young and diagnosed to be on the autism spectrum, some parents didn’t want their kids to play with mine; others said things like, “I want my child to learn how to get along with all kinds of kids”, like mine was a “project” and a problem to be pitied. There’s so much people don’t (and don’t want to) understand about neurodiversity. Thank you for being brave and putting yourself out there.
Judy that feeling of being friended as a project absolutely sucks. Thanks for sharing your own story. I'm sorry you and your child had to deal with that.
Wow I am shocked. I am stunned. Anyone would unsubscribe because of your diagnosis. They can’t possible trust their instincts. Why would a label change what you already know, feel and understand. People will never cese to surprise me. What a lesson you have learned. Congratulations on negotiating what must have been a extremely personal life lesson. The best thing about these lessons are the rewards are as big. Open your arms your heart and put on your running shoes, you are in for some major growth. Thank you for leaving such clear sign posts.
I have two people in my family that are Autistic....my Grandson, and my Nephew. Each are on different levels of the Spectrum...one severely and the other what they used to call Asperger's. Both are functioning in this world, contributing their special gifts, making it a better place. You are too. I believe your neurodivergence is what attracts me to you as a teacher. It gives you a depth that other's don't have, for whatever reason. I always feel safe with you. Always feel validated in ways I can't explain.
It means so much to hear you feel safe here. I so appreciate hearing your own story. I suspect far more of us "Highly Sensitive" creative folks are on the spectrum. Brain science is making so much progress in this field now. It is fascinating to me, but still very far to go to educate the general public. Thank you!
Your bravery in standing up and not keeping secrets or hiding is an inspiration for those of us who have been on the journey of discovering who we are and our own Intuitive Voice. The comments and reactions of 'others' can sting and be hurtful; but I find myself asking what is it they are hiding that makes them so uncomfortable that they make snarky comments, or just turn their backs on us and walk away? Like any new building endeavor, its so hard at first as the people who do not want to know our truth walk away .... are we shedding them as a tree looses leaves for the next Season in our lives?
I think you nailed it Dale. There is so much cultural conditioning in what we decide should or shouldn't be talked about in public. The shedding and pruning process involved in owning our truths and standing fully present in who we are is vital, regardless of our wiring. In some ways I think its easier to do as a neurodivergent, and some ways, of course, much harder.
Being as you know the mother of two autistic 30+ year old sons , I want to share something about the difference in the acceptance of being labeled as “Autistic “, that is happening now, compared with what existed 30 years ago, and even before that, both within the medical community, and with many of the rest of the population.
My sons were diagnosed with autism at the age of 2 or 3 , when we began to notice a regression, and a seemingly lack of developmental milestones, we had come to expect. It was an intuitive feeling for me, some kind of secret foreboding that they were autistic . And notice the word “ foreboding “. This was to me a terrifying diagnosis. Given with sympathy for my damaged children , but with negative information that they would never be normal, there was no “cure”., for this terrible thing from which they suffered.
This colored my perception in a terrible way for a long time. We did everything we were advised to do , sought out every treatment and intervention and appropriate education we could find , and they improved but not “enough”. I was heartbroken, and watched wistfully as my friends and families children developed normally. And I felt this way for a very long time. Friends and family deserted us completely. I was very depressed and sad about this still a little for all the things in life they have, and will continue to miss. I love them with all my heart, but I can’t understand all they’re saying , and with my younger son nothing but gibberish, he really doesn’t speak at all.
Things are better today, with autistic people viewed as not so much abnormal as different . I try my best to view them that way , but their reality is very much different even when viewed in a different way. But I accept and enjoy them as never before.
I am so sorry that ignorant people have deserted you. But the world is changing, and your situation will change. Your possibilities are limitless.
Brigid thanks so much for sharing your perspective and experience. Raising children without a support network is hard enough, even more so when your sons had higher needs for that support. The world is indeed changing, but so many people still have no clue about all of the traits of autism, and boil it down to either being savants or developmentally disabled. These things can be traits, among many traits. And as I'm sure you know, our traits are ever changing depending on what's happening on any given day. Much love to you for the heart you have for your children. ❤️
I am so sad that we didn't pick up on this when you were a little girl and I just thought you were extra shy.
But I am so happy that you now realize what caused you so much pain.
I have been sharing the pain and fear I had as a child and into my adulthood in my daily Bible journaling group and it has been great therapy for me. I suspect without going through the testing that I too am on the autistic spectrum also. I am so proud to be your mom. I love you! ❤
I’m sad to think of you growing up without a mom and not knowing, but they just weren’t diagnosing little girls back then. I’m proud of you too mom 🙏♥️🙏
As an observer of people I always find it interesting to watch what happens if you get too close to someone’s truth. They often become argumentative and attack you verbally, or the opposite happens and they shut down and disappear from your life. I think both reactions come from a place of their fear of being found out. This world that they have carefully built up must be protected at all costs. Humans are certainly complex beings! And please remember, Crystal, they are running away for their own reasons and you might never know what your words may have unlocked that might one day help them face their own fears.
Annie there is so much truth to what you say. I’m a fellow observer of people and agree wholeheartedly. I really appreciate your perspective. Thank you!
Have you read “Wintering”? It’s a beautiful book and the author discusses her autism diagnosis in a wonderful way.
I have read Wintering - and her other book, The Electricity of Every Living Thing. Both excellent reads. She is writing her third book now and I'm really looking forward to reading more of her work.
I’ll look for her other book(s)--glad to know of them!
I so appreciate your openness and honesty; it’s a breath of fresh air. I remember when one of my kids was very young and diagnosed to be on the autism spectrum, some parents didn’t want their kids to play with mine; others said things like, “I want my child to learn how to get along with all kinds of kids”, like mine was a “project” and a problem to be pitied. There’s so much people don’t (and don’t want to) understand about neurodiversity. Thank you for being brave and putting yourself out there.
Judy that feeling of being friended as a project absolutely sucks. Thanks for sharing your own story. I'm sorry you and your child had to deal with that.
And that is a well named Elephant. Ableism is so deeply embedded in our culture. Naming it is one of the most powerful ways of dissolving it.
Naming it is powerful indeed. Thank you, my friend.
Wow I am shocked. I am stunned. Anyone would unsubscribe because of your diagnosis. They can’t possible trust their instincts. Why would a label change what you already know, feel and understand. People will never cese to surprise me. What a lesson you have learned. Congratulations on negotiating what must have been a extremely personal life lesson. The best thing about these lessons are the rewards are as big. Open your arms your heart and put on your running shoes, you are in for some major growth. Thank you for leaving such clear sign posts.
Major growth! If we can remember way way back to when we were kids, growing pains are very real. Thanks so much for joining the conversation Debi!
Eye on the prize
I have two people in my family that are Autistic....my Grandson, and my Nephew. Each are on different levels of the Spectrum...one severely and the other what they used to call Asperger's. Both are functioning in this world, contributing their special gifts, making it a better place. You are too. I believe your neurodivergence is what attracts me to you as a teacher. It gives you a depth that other's don't have, for whatever reason. I always feel safe with you. Always feel validated in ways I can't explain.
It means so much to hear you feel safe here. I so appreciate hearing your own story. I suspect far more of us "Highly Sensitive" creative folks are on the spectrum. Brain science is making so much progress in this field now. It is fascinating to me, but still very far to go to educate the general public. Thank you!
Your bravery in standing up and not keeping secrets or hiding is an inspiration for those of us who have been on the journey of discovering who we are and our own Intuitive Voice. The comments and reactions of 'others' can sting and be hurtful; but I find myself asking what is it they are hiding that makes them so uncomfortable that they make snarky comments, or just turn their backs on us and walk away? Like any new building endeavor, its so hard at first as the people who do not want to know our truth walk away .... are we shedding them as a tree looses leaves for the next Season in our lives?
I think you nailed it Dale. There is so much cultural conditioning in what we decide should or shouldn't be talked about in public. The shedding and pruning process involved in owning our truths and standing fully present in who we are is vital, regardless of our wiring. In some ways I think its easier to do as a neurodivergent, and some ways, of course, much harder.
Thanks so much for joining the conversation and adding your perspective Rebecca!