The Space Between: Permission to Dream
Reflections on old dreams and renewed hopes
The essay below was originally written in 2017. I no longer have the dog, but the ruminating in this time between Christmas and the New Year strikes me in much the same way each year—in the renewing of hopes and dreams forgotten in the minutia and demands of everyday life.
This year it feels particularly poignant as I savor the slow pace of this week after what I can only describe as a year lost to the efforts of trying to survive.
Perhaps that sounds a bit dramatic, considering events happening around the globe. Perhaps, though, you can relate.
The pandemic changed so much for me as a working artist. The need to flex into a new way of supporting myself brought about some exciting opportunities as I grew in my abilities to teach online. Hard to believe that it’s been nearly four years.
Once again, I find myself reflecting over old dreams and wondering if it isn’t time to let a few of them go. Or is it not the dream, but the approach to that thing, that makes it feel so out of reach?
Whichever way you look at it, there is a deeper sense of knowing that this year will demand another flex. Maybe not quite as abrupt as the one we all had to make in 2020, but change seems to be afoot nonetheless. The groundwork is already being laid for some of it.
In hitting pause and reevaluating it all, having conversations with mentors and peers, I’m listening again to that still small voice inside. The one that begins with curiosity; I wonder what would happen if, and leads me back to my own Magnificent Obsession . . .
“We are halfway through the space in between, that weird place at the end of the year, between the holidays and the new year where time seems to have been suspended. That time of reflecting and planning and losing oneself in the what ifs and wonders.
As I walked the dog this morning in the freezing wind, the snow was just high enough for the tips of the grass to peek through, like the stubble of a 5 o'clock shadow. My kneecaps froze beneath the fabric of my jeans and I could not get back inside to the warmth of home fast enough. It isn't hard, under certain conditions, to know exactly what we want.
With the end of the year fast approaching, I’ve been thinking about setting goals and identifying big dreams, wondering aloud if size really matters when it comes to the things we most want to do in life. What if our big dreams really aren't so big? Does it count if the thing we long for the most seems ordinary?
Sometimes it isn't that our dreams don't feel so spectacular when compared to somebody else's, but that we have lost track of what we long for the most because it didn't feel safe to dream. For one reason or another, somewhere along the way, we put that thing in a trunk, along with our childhood collection of rocks and baby dolls, and slid it under the bed. We thought being a grown up meant the end of our daydreams.
But what if we all just gave ourselves permission to dream? What would happen if we didn't hide it away and let go of the notion that it wasn't practical? What if instead of trying our hardest to forget what would most make our heart sing, we spent a little time each day trying to remember? It might wind up becoming our own Magnificent Obsession.” (essay in quotes written December 2017)
My word for the year is Restructure. I’ll be writing a post about what it means to me soon and how it impacts my plans for this blog, but sum it up to say that it comes from both personal and business related reflecting.
How about you? I’m taking an informal poll, do you choose a word for the year or write New Year’s resolutions of any kind? Feel free to elaborate in the comments below.
With gratitude,
Crystal Marie
I used to do resolutions. But they fail by the end of January. Last year I picked a word, and now I don't remember what it was. Your blog seems like an answer. This year I will choose a word and write on it daily. Thank you for the push!
My word for the year came spontaneously about 2 weeks ago when I told a work affiliate that my word would be "structure". We work for men who are very laxed and have ideals, but don't work out the details... no plans laid out. I'm tired of figuring things out...analogous to solving problems and putting fires out.
Structure and allotted time for my work period! I like your word restructure! Thank you for the motivation!